Work Is Messy: Practicing Buddhist Principles in Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies

Every once in a while, a book comes into your hands that changes your life. Sometimes, this happens quickly: one weekend, during a period of loss, I read Marilyn Robinson's novel Gilead and as the story unfolded, I realized: you are not alone in this experience. Because of her novel, I recognized grief and this helped me cope.

Sometimes, a book changes you over time, after frequent visits. For me, one such book is Michael Carroll's Awake at Work: 35 Practical Buddhist Principles for Discovering Clarity and Balance in the Midst of Work's Chaos. I've known of this book for many years - nearly a decade. My late uncle Gerald sent a copy to my mother, Susan, when she struggling with a work-related issue many years ago. Mom showed it to me back then and told me she read a "chapter" every morning, which helped her face the day with clarity, peace and wisdom. Each chapter explores one of the workplace-oriented Buddhist principles that Carroll advocates.

Years later, I lived with my parents for a while after going through a divorce. During that time, I was teaching first-year writing at a college and often struggled with the "busy-ness" of my business. I had the writing of so many students to keep track of during the day and then in the evenings I tutored, so I was often tired and overwhelmed. I picked up Mom's copy of Awake at Work. Reading it from time to time helped abate my chronic anxiety. Just the pace and tone of Carroll's writing was comforting and helped me feel better. However, I don't think I was really able to absorb and execute his principles at that time - not sure why, maybe because I hadn't yet find my true professional "medium," which would come a few years later when I certified as a therapeutic horseback riding instructor.

My first job in the EAAT field was at High Hopes Therapeutic Riding in Old Lyme, CT, a large, well-established and busy non-profit organization. I was thrilled to be working in the EAAT field and ecstatic about the opportunity at High Hopes, but I quickly found myself stressed, overwhelmed and tired. This time, I had to face that my chronic anxiety (and occasional neuroticism) was not necessarily coming from my work itself, but rather from my methods of coping (or lack thereof) with workplace stress. Teaching therapeutic riding was my dream job - an essential piece of my destiny - and I knew I needed to learn to handle the inevitable stress that comes with work. I didn't want to burn out this time. 

Mom bought me my own copy of Awake at Work. I made a practice of reading a principle every day while I drank my morning coffee. I didn't meditate, though the book suggests it. I just read a principle, reflected for a moment or two, and promised to let the thought guide my day. At the time, it helped greatly and to this day, I make a practice of reading a principle in the morning during times of workplace stress (see September... this year... you win!)

After all, Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies is an amazing field where we see individuals with disabilities of all kinds reach new levels of physical, cognitive and emotional function thanks to the gifts of horses and riding. However, if there were ever a field where it is necessary to stay flexible, present and responsive to the current moment, it is EAAT! While I am not a Buddhist in any formal kind of way (and no statues decorate my desk or lawn), I recognize that you need some serious Zen in order to work as a therapeutic riding instructor. A rider may present each week with slightly different needs. Horses can be affected by the weather, their workload or changing age/ soundness. The group of workers who we depend on to help provide our service are usually volunteers, which can occasionally lead to inconsistencies. Not to mention that most EAAT centers (and all that I've affiliated with) are non-profit organizations depending on donations, fundraising and administrative creativity to function. Components like these make our work interesting and ever-changing. Staying present and responsive to the situation at hand, while remaining professional, timely and organized is an on-going challenge.

Having now taught at three therapeutic riding centers around the country, I've learned that unpredictability is inherent to the EAAT field everywhere, as is the unlimited potential to respond in the moment and create positive effects for the individuals we serve. I'm grateful for the way that teaching in EAAT has required me to develop a more present, responsive attitude towards work, teaching and life. Carroll's book has been a steady companion, an instructive friend.

One of Carroll's principles states: "Work is a mess... Many of us come to work with the hope that we can control our jobs... The reality is that there is no solution to work's inherent chaos and messiness. Work by its very nature will always be uncertain. The good news is that work's messiness and uncertainty need not be distressing. They may, in fact, be just what we are looking for." I find when I am really frustrated or stressed, it helps just to think: Work is messy. For everyone. In working with horses and riders with special needs, at least I know that I am doing work I love and believe in, messy or not! I'm grateful to Carroll's text, and to my mother and uncle for passing it along.

September... this year, you win...

Dear September,

You've been the most important month in my life for many years now. I love you and hate you; anticipate your arrival and dread it, all at once. Like an unpredictable lover, you bring the impassioned rush of a new beginning. At the same time, you often arrive with heavy baggage - echoes of last year's teaching experiences, successes which I hope to live up to, mistakes that I'm still trying to forget. Always, September, I know our "special relationship" is not monogamous. I share you with teachers everywhere and while you may not be mine alone, it certainly feels sometimes as if I am your one and only.

Growing up as the child of a dedicated educator, I recognized early on in life that you, September, are more important than any other month. (Your only rival, Late June, is defeated easily by Sheer Exhaustion who tends to tag along then, a hopeless third wheel.) You, September, are the month of hoping for the best, of preparation and foundation, of first impressions and of student-teacher meet and greet. You are the month that matters - the month when the school year begins. The entire teaching year to come will likely depend on how well things go during our 30 day rendezvous. That's right, though eight other months of teaching will follow, you outweigh them all in terms of your influence on how the year will progress. You sweep me off my feet, September.

You have followed me through 13 years of teaching. In some ways, I suppose, you are more loyal and predictable than I give you credit for. Whether I was teaching English in Germany, tutoring at a literacy agency, instructing college writing courses or teaching therapeutic horseback riding lessons, you have always managed to track me down, show up, demand my full attention. You are just that way, September. (I bet you think this blog post is about you, don't you?)

It has always seemed unfair that you, and you alone, possess my favorite weather of the year: You are golden. You are crisp. You bring seductive relief from summer heat, with no hint yet of that inevitably lonely chill of late fall. You own "perfect horseback riding weather" - sunny, cool, dry, slight breeze - but you are almost always the month when I have the least time for riding (or walking the dog, or visiting friends, or cleaning my house, or blogging, or sleeping...). Likewise, you effortlessly ripen my favorite fruits to perfection - distracting me with seasonal gifts of tart apples and warm peaches that endear you to me, even as you kick the ass of teachers everywhere with concerns of scheduling, new student challenges, transitions and early-school-year confusion.

This year, I must say, you have come upon me with exceptional ardor. And you leave me, truly, breathless, bewildered. You brought with you not only many fantastic and fascinating new and returning students who I am excited to get to know better, but also a family celebration and publishing projects. Darling Month, you have outdone yourself. Now you leave me with the mixed feelings of this whirlwind romance ending, yet again. Along comes October, and things will surely be steady, judicious, established. September, thankfully a brief affair. October, the marrying kind.

While I am happy to be back into the swing of things at work, hopeful about inspiring teaching to come over the next eight months, I must say, September, this year, you win. I recognize your dazzling charisma; I accept that I must yield to your all-consuming power over me and plan nothing during this month except to devote myself to you and give the new teaching year my full attention. After thirteen years of working a teacher's schedule, I get it: you consume me, I should not even try to resist. I may tell myself I can escape you (a quick weekend get-away during the middle of the month may sound lovely and restful) but you and yours will haunt my inbox, sneak somehow into my away bag, and even - at your finest - invade my mind, keeping me from sleep and controlling my psyche. Yes, you do that to me September - I know, you can't help yourself.

Good-bye for this year and I cannot say I'm sorry to see you go. There may come a day in July when it's way too hot and I'm a little bored that I will even yearn for you, forgetting the turmoil that always accompanies your stay. Of course, we will meet again then, towards the end of next summer, when the fruit ripens, the days shorten and the breeze turns cool.

Love,
KB

On Entering the Field of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies...

In December of 2009, I participated in a PATH Intl. On-Site Workshop & Certification (OSWC) and became a certified Registered Level Therapeutic Riding Instructor. It was the weekend I turned 31. During the then-three-day training and test, I remember feeling a mixture of nervousness, performance anxiety and over-the-moon excitement about entering the field of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies (EAAT) in an official sort of way. When it was over, I wrote this in my journal:

After everyone tested, I got the Evaluators’ feedback. On a document titled “Evaluator Recommendations,” they checked the box next to “Recommend PATH Intl. Instructor Status.” I’ve passed and just like that, I feel part of a new professional world. More than a certification, I have forever changed the way I will define myself and my life. My identity has shifted and from here on, I see part of my life’s purpose as continuing to learn all I can about horses and disabilities, as well as how to maximize the profound potential of the horse to improve human lives. It’s funny to me that I’ve just turned 31 and only now become a therapeutic horseback riding instructor. It seems like all I ever really wanted to be. 

It was a great moment in my life, which came after several years of emotional and financial hardship. About a year and a half before the certification, I had finally owned my life-long love of horses and riding in a way that meant I had to have and keep horses in my life. I had also understood that being a teacher, and supporting those with unique challenges, is part of who I am. Teaching therapeutic horseback riding seemed the natural merger of these two realizations. The year of training had its ups and downs, but the OSWC felt – for me – like a joyful experience of learning and succeeding.

Not to say I wasn’t stressed! Testing in the EAAT field essentially means doing what we do everyday - teaching individuals with special needs (who may or may not have "impulsivity" as a very real component of their disability) on horses (large prey animals with a flight reflex) - but undertaking this already somewhat stressful endeavor under the scrutiny of evaluation. I think one would have to lack awareness to not be at least a little nervous. Also, back then, I didn’t get to ride as frequently as I should have to prepare for a career as a riding instructor, so I was particularly nervous about the riding test.

 

A funny thing happened, though. At the OSWC, I was sitting in a quiet spot at High Hopes (the center where I did the test), dressed in my breeches and waiting to be called to ride. I felt like such an imposter. (I was really an English teacher, dressed up as a riding instructor!) To distract myself, I leafed through the training materials that had been distributed at the OSWC and happened upon an essay titled “On Mentoring,” which had been written by none other than Bonnie J. Perrault. The name Bonnie Perrault may not mean much to you, but to me it meant everything - Bonnie was my riding instructor for about two years, from when I was 13 – 15, and helped me work through some very challenging horse behaviors with the first mare I owned. She was tough, but she had exceptional integrity and was always both super kind and firm with the horses. Bonnie taught me what I consider to be the foundation for all future success I would have with horses (specifically, to ride from my seat instead of my hands, and the power of knowing my own physical, mental and emotional intention – clarity – when asking something from a horse). I hadn’t seen or spoken to Bonnie in years but sitting there, I was filled with confidence as I read these words from her essay:

At a seminar given for dressage instructors, the participants were asked what attributes constituted a good instructor. The answers were: knowledge, understanding, sensitivity, patience, ability to communicate, imagination, creativity, open-mindedness, professionalism, manners, honesty, humor, humility, flexibility and organization… another attribute is commitment, which constitutes a deep love for work and the willingness to meet the challenges of work… that they never stop learning, and never stop caring.

Making a living as a riding instructor is not easy. I know it now. Looking back, I’m very sure Bonnie knew it, too. But when I look at this list of attributes, which she embodied, and which I hoped to, I knew that doing this work meant more to me than a piece of paper from any organization (which is not to say I didn’t want that piece of paper!). I hadn’t seen or spoken to Bonnie in years but sitting there, I felt like I could hear her saying: Of course, you can do this. You could have ridden this test 15 years ago! And if you fail, you’ll just have to decide if you want it bad enough…. Then just go and do it again. (Bonnie always had just such a way of pointing things out that made you realize they were oh-so-obvious and logical – how could you have possibly missed that?) A lot of work with horses is about commitment. Bonnie helped instill that in me when I was young; in many ways, the process and testing for instructor certification was no different.

So… why the nostalgia? Well, one reason is attending the Evaluator Training really got me thinking about what brings people to the EAAT field, what keeps us in the field and what I truly want most in my working life. There is the ever-present challenge and reward of teaching people with unique challenges to ride horses and hopefully facilitating their safe enjoyment of this activity and its many benefits. But beyond that, there are many questions about how to earn a living, how to keep work fresh, how to keep learning in the field and expanding one’s own potential and contributions.

A second reason for reflecting on my own Instructor Training is that I have several friends who are testing next week at the OSWC at Little Bit Therapeutic Riding in Woodinville, WA. They are great teachers, horsewomen and people and I know our field and their many future students will be lucky to have them.  (Other friends are doing the Advanced Level On-site that same weekend… when I did mine I went home from the first day of testing and caught my kitchen curtain on fire while cooking dinner, so stressful and distracting did I find the process. Not to mention that it took my stomach a month to quiet down after all the nerves!) So, I guess, thinking last week about what it means to “pass” instructor certification at any level got me thinking about what the process meant to me, and what it hopefully has meant to my friends – a chance to formalize a lifetime of interest in horses, riding and helping others into a professional career path. (Again, the pun… I really didn’t mean it this time.) Each of the friends who is testing is so special – brings such a unique and fascinating background to the field. It’s incredibly exciting for me to think about the contributions these instructors will make to the field and the insights they will bring. They just have to get through that nerve-wracking testing and I feel so sure they can do it! Very confident these great teachers will show their best stuff (and maybe even relax and enjoy) their OSWC! They will be awesome!

And don’t forget what Bonnie said: Of course, you can do this. You could have passed this test years ago! And if you fail, you’ll just have to decide if you want it bad enough…. Then just go and do it again.

Notes from PATH Intl. Evaluator Training

Vacation this year consisted of a good visit with family and friends in the Northeast and a trip "home" to High HopesTherapeutic Riding, the PATH Intl. Premier Accredited Center in Old Lyme, CT where I was first introduced to the field of Equine Assisted Activities and Therapies and received much of my instructor training.

This time, I was visiting High Hopes with a purpose: namely, to participate in a PATH Intl. Evaluator Training given by Kitty Stalsburg, who is a Master Level Instructor, Lead Evaluator, Executive Director of High Hopes and a mentor who has had a major influence on my own teaching. I've wanted to do the Evaluator Training for a couple of years now and have completed several prerequisites, including becoming an Advanced Riding Instructor and attending the PATH Intl. Mentor Training. Now, having also completed Evaluator Training, I am officially an Apprentice Evaluator. I will need to apprentice at two Registered Level On-site Workshops and Certifications (OSWC) and receive the recommendation of both Lead Evaluators to achieve Associate Evaluator status. Associate Evaluators can serve as faculty at PATH Intl. Registered Level workshops and they can also evaluate candidates for certification in riding and teaching.

Sounds complicated and it is... a little. It's also awesome to be part of a field and membership organization that takes therapeutic horsemanship practices and instructor training so seriously. One important take away message from Evaluator Training is how crucial the evaluator role is to establishing our still growing profession and to serving as a face of PATH Intl. at workshops and training/ testing events.

A second important point was the vital difference between being a mentor (which might be loosely defined as "an extra-invested teacher-trainer") and an evaluator (where one's key responsibility is measuring an instructor candidate's performance against professional criterion, as objectively and fairly as possible). Evaluating is an advanced and challenging role: one's decisions influence a candidate's professional future, perhaps their livelihood, and definitely the manifestation of months or years of hard work and deeply instilled dreams. (No pressure.) Evaluating requires focus, attention to detail and the ability to let go of all kinds of personal biases and preferences one may have about teaching style or approach. When mentoring one is developing a teacher (one of my personal passions!); when evaluating, one is - however fairly - assessing a teacher. A big difference.

Certainly, there is some overlap... Being a good mentor for PATH Intl. Instructors in Training absolutely means having a proficient working knowledge of the Instructor Criteria. Of course, serving as an evaluator mandates that one stay current and well-versed in said criteria and this can only help one become a better mentor. Likewise, mentoring skills are an important component of the evaluator role, especially given that evaluators are faculty for the workshop portion of the On-Site. By mentoring regularly, an evaluator also practices the teaching and leadership skills necessary to effectively and supportively inform Instructor Candidates of the results of their testing (pass or fail) in a face-to-face interview. (Again, no pressure.) 

The training emphasized for me how important not only well-trained evaluators, but also the Instructor Candidates themselves are to the EAAT field. Instructors in Training bring new ideas and energy and often unique qualifications to our field. They also help EAAT expand, necessary if we hope to come close to meeting the potential need for our services around the globe. It’s exciting to think that as an evaluator, I will help to welcome newly certified professionals to the field and to set a fair, consistent and professional standard for certification.

I so enjoyed spending the day thinking, learning and talking about instructor training within the field of therapeutic horsemanship and look forward to investing more deeply in the process of becoming an evaluator. My goal is to attend an On-site the fall as an apprentice and then hopefully another in the spring, which is something I so look forward to although I know it will be an intense process. Teaching is learning... it always comes back to this!

Notes from Linda Tellington-Jones' Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul

One evening last week, I was sitting ringside with two friends and the conversation turned to great horse books. We compared notes, reminiscing about joyful childhood hours spent reading The Black Stallion, Black Beauty and all of Marguerite Henry's young adult, historically-based novels about horses. We debated which of these childhood horse stories had influenced us most as adult equestrians, but one point we agreed on easily: horses invoke our imaginations, and have for a very long time!

As an adult, I still read a lot of horse books, though mostly non-fiction, and I just finished Linda Tellington-Jones' most recent release Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul: A 21st-Century Approach to the Science and Spirituality of Riding and Horse-and-Rider Well-Being. Wow, that's a long and complex title!

And, frankly, it's a long and complex book!

Even for me, admittedly the ultimate horse-dork (Need proof? See throwback photo!), it reads a little textbook-y, especially at first. Since I am only superficially familiar with Tellington-Jones' renowned body work (for horses, dogs, other animals and humans!) and training methods, I had to do quite a bit of paging back and forth between the text itself and the glossary. Having said that, I am so glad I stuck with it... truly, the book is filled with vital, valuable information about riding, training, the sport of dressage, learning in general, and just being a best friend to the horses in our lives.

It's hard to summarize a book that contains so much vibrant information, but the premise of the book is an updated, holistic approach to the traditional dressage training scale pyramid, with the addition of balance as the base of the pyramid. (Tellington-Jones is quick to specify this includes physical, mental and emotional balance - Amen!) The author makes a unique, insightful and fun (color-coded!) exploration of each element of the updated scale (balance, rhythm, suppleness, contact, impulsion, straightness and collection), and describes how to access these elements using techniques that are holistic, humane, meaningful and, yes, even fun for both horse and rider. I love this organizational premise and it motivated me to keep reading.

I admire how Tellington-Jones explains the importance of intention when working with horses. She develops the concept of riding/ training in dressage with "heART," highlighting the concept that dressage should be an ART, one that is "an aesthetic representation of your relationship with yourself... and with your horse." She elaborates: "It is my desire to make you more open to the idea of being 'one' with your horse." As I was reading this encompassing text, I recognized: if Oprah wanted to choose a trainer/ rider to feature on OWN Network's Super Soul Sunday, Tellington-Jones would be a great pick! (And, yes, that's a huge compliment! I love Super Soul Sunday!) Tellington-Jones simply goes beyond the "norms" in dressage training to include the betterment of the person/rider as a key element of dressage.

Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul is definitely a book to be read, studied, re-read, put aside and revisited from time to time and used for reference.

Though there was much practical info woven throughout some really inspiring soul-talk, my favorite line of the book and take away point is this: "Dreams shouldn't be constrained by reality. Reality should subsist of the dreams you make come true." I love that this comes from a trainer who is respected internationally at all levels and in multiple disciplines and is obviously an intellectual, intelligent, practical horse woman on many levels. The fact that much of her advice is extremely down-to-earth makes the inclusion of this dreamer's wisdom all the more inspiring and profound.

After all, most of us do turn to horses and riding for connection and inspiration, as well as sport and fun! There is an element of "dreaming" to loving these animals... at least for me, there has been since I first turned the pages of those "horse-y" novels as a young teen. I believe that dreaming and imagination are woven through all of the best work with horses, and that this can inspire us to pursue, find and get to know our best selves. Tellington-Jones' book is definitely one entry point for this pursuit!

On NOT blogging...

It's been weeks since I've written a blog entry and I feel as if I owe my loyal readership - all seven of you :) - some explanation. This blog is still alive and well. I am determined to keep a public journal of my experiences within the EAAT field because writing is one way I acknowledge how much teaching and learning with horses matters to me. Somehow, though, a month has passed since I last wrote and now it's hard to get started again!

This blog began back in January with a post called Actually Blogging.... (a brief entry on starting a blog about EAAT). So, it seems fitting to rejuvenate the blog with an entry about NOT blogging. Or, perhaps better said:

 

What I've Been Doing Instead of Blogging:

• For one, I've been teaching and riding in the heat, rain and humidity, which is pretty extreme here in Charleston, South Carolina. I'm told this has actually been a "mild" Charleston summer due to all the rain we've been having, but it certainly seems like Serious Summer Weather to me, and I am often exhausted after working in it (though teaching riding, as usual, is FUN! and rewarding work).
• For another, I've spent 8 weeks on the Beach! Now, before you envision me relaxing on these beautiful South Carolina beaches and get all jealous, do know that I mean I've spent 8 weeks on South Beach, as in the Diet. Some might remember my earlier posts on Ride to Exercise or Exercise to Ride? Well, I realized to get where I wanted with my riding and health, I had to lose a few pounds/ change some eating habits. (Disclaimer: By no means do I want to imply that anyone has to be Skinny-Minny in order to ride well. That's simply not true. There are very balanced and fine riders who have larger frames or who are heavy-set. It's just that I was having trouble getting my body to move the way I wanted it to on the back of the horse and my lower back and right hip were always sore. I had the feeling that losing 10 pounds would make a difference, which has proved true.) Anyway, I like the food on the South Beach Diet and it's been kind of fun to have all these new recipes and successful new eating strategies. The flip side - it's TIME CONSUMING. Yeah, so instead of blogging, I've been chopping veggies and poaching lean protein.
• Riding! I've been riding at work, taking some lessons with Katie Poag and I accepted an invite from a friend to trail ride on the beautiful and remote Wadmalaw Island, which was a fun and enriching experience. (Minus the hairy spiders the size of my hand... yes, dangling over the trail. OK, beginning to understand some of what accompanies living in "sub-tropical climate.")
• Running a household... with Lee gone in CA for 5 weeks, I had my hands full just keeping our life here going. He is normally fantastic about doing the laundry and some other chores, so I was on my own with all of that. Then, there's always some readjustment when he comes back from a long time away. And now we have a big trip to the Northeast coming up and Lee's 40th birthday to celebrate. All fun, all wonderful - all perfect distractions from blogging!
• Reading! To me, there is nothing better than a quiet, cool house, maybe a glass of wine and a good horse book. This summer, I've read and studied Linda Tellington-Jones's Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul (notes to follow soon) and now I'm in the middle of Alois Podhansky's Complete Training of Horse and Rider. I also read Anton DiSclafani's intriguing coming-of-age novel The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls (good beach reading for horse lovers!) and a few other memoirs and novels.  
• Writing. I haven't been completely lazy on this front. For some time now, I've been writing a memoir about returning to horses during a time of personal distress and then the process of becoming a therapeutic horseback riding instructor (the working title is Barn Dust). I spent much time on this project over the summer and entered the manuscript in a few book-length, non-fiction writing contests. I've also spent some time studying the (impossible) publishing industry and trying to figure out how I can get even one literary agent or small press to read my memoir draft. It's been a little discouraging, but I am determined to share the content of that text somehow, so I'm still working on it!

Okay, you can see why I have missed a week or two of blogging! I'm now determined to get back into a weekly groove of updating this blog with some exciting new entries coming up, including Notes from LTJ's Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul and from PATH Intl. Evaluator Training at High Hopes Therapeutic Riding on Aug. 16th (can't wait!).

I also have been thinking about profiling certified professionals making a career in the EAAT field (What does it take? How do people make it work over time?) - please let me know if you are interested in being profiled or have any ideas for someone to write about! And, I know, I really need to get more photos on this blog! I have been thinking about how to make this a more dynamic virtual space. I'm really grateful to those of you who read and sometimes provide comments or feedback. Thank you and more to come soon!

On Horses and Grief

In over twenty years of riding and working with horses, I have met many people who turn to horses during times of grief. I did this, too, after my divorce in 2006.

My life felt so sad and I was bitter. I tried a lot of different things to make myself feel better: exercise and diet; dating; drinking; buying clothing and ranting at and about my ex. Some of these things helped temporarily, but nothing put me back on track to being the person I had been before being consumed by grief and sadness. I used to be funny, fairly happy-go-lucky, direct and I almost always could see the best in people, animals and situations. This was not true for me when I was grieving after the divorce.

When I finally found the courage to return to horses (which I did by attending a volunteer training at High Hopes Therapeutic Riding and subsequently volunteering in program), I finally experienced a little internal shift - a lightening of the grief, a solace in the activity of being around horses.

In the time since, I've met many people who turn to horses and riding for all kinds of reasons (good and bad), and I fairly frequently meet people coming to horses during times of grief or transition. I have some theories about why:

• When you are angry and grieving, there's "something big and alive" inside you. When you work with horses, you have the opportunity to work with something big and alive outside you. There is great relief in this. It is simply a channeling of energy away from a persistent, internal, negative force to an equally powerful, external, inspiring one. There's a lot of momentary relief and comfort in that experience. Ideally, it brings one present.
• Many horses have a presence that inspires solace. They are large and they are flight animals but they choose to stand beside us; enjoy our company. It makes one feel less alone.
• When you are making an internal life transition (through loss or change), it is powerful to ride. Riding is all about physical balance, transitions and forward momentum. Riding can take the body through this; often, it translates to the soul. Riding can be an incentive to embrace change and forward movement, to see these elements in the light of  positive adventure, which riding should be.

So grateful for the horses in my life and all that they've taught me over these past years.
Okay, enough deep thoughts for a Monday morning! Thanks for reading!

20 Hours of Professional Development: Part 2 Saddle Fitting

As a PATH Intl. Instructor, I am required to complete a minimum of 20 hours of Continuing Education each year. I have to submit an Instructor Compliance form to PATH Intl., listing my hours and what I did. As I completed my form this spring, I realized it's kind of a shame that the professional development compliance requirement is just a list. It seems like to take something away from these professional development experiences - and learn something - there should be a reflective component. So, over the next few blog entries, I'm going to reflect on my three biggest "take away points" from some of my own Continuing Ed experiences this past year.... 

5 Hours: Saddle Fitting

I was fortunate to attend two Saddle Fitting In-Services this year, one out in the Seattle area and one here in South Carolina. I learned so much from the generous professionals who gave these lectures/demonstrations (and took pages and pages of notes), so to sum up what I learned about the complex subject of saddle fitting in just 3 points is difficult!

However, since I've tasked myself with summing up the 3 main points I took away from these saddle fitting in-services, I will focus on the key messages that both professional imparted:

1. Everyone who rides, trains and works with horses in any discipline or capacity needs to stay aware of and be vigilant about saddle fit, which can constantly change as the horse is conditioned, gains or loses weight, ages, etc. It should become instinctual to think about the fit of the saddle: Horse bucking? Rearing? Refusing to go forward willingly? Seem grumpy? Girthy? Not standing still for mounting? All of these problems can stem from an uncomfortable tack fit and it's always important to eliminate this as the cause of negative behaviors! (I remember someone saying, asking a horse to go in a saddle that doesn't fit well is like asking a human to go hiking in uncomfortable high heels that pinch at the toe or to carry a heavy back pack with the edges of a book digging into your spine!)
2. If possible, it's always best to have a professional saddle fitter evaluate the tack, at least once or twice a year. In between visits with a trained professional, it's important to check that the saddle sits level, clears the withers and spine and fits/ is positioned to allow plenty of room for the shoulder to move. Those are just a few checkpoints to look out for on regular basis.
3. Finally, materials and condition matter! While it isn't necessarily important to have the most expensive, trendy saddle available, it is important to find out what your saddle is made of, and especially, what your saddle is flocked with (stuffed with). Wool is the best material for flocking and will provide the most comfortable ride for the horse. It's important that the saddles be re-flocked regularly and inspected for tears, wear and damage, especially when being used in a busy program environment where a saddle might have 20 or more rides a week. 

Saddle fitting can be intimidating to those of use who are not extensively trained in this vocation, but what I have learned from attending these two in-services is that even with some basic knowledge and training, it becomes much easier to develop an eye (and feel) for the differences between a really bad fit and a decent fit. A professional can then often help determine a decent fit and a really good fit. 

Another point that I found really interesting (and I know I promised just 3) is how important it is to actually see the tack in motion (while the horse is going on the lunge line and then being ridden) in order to make a final determination about whether a saddle fits well. In a really interesting demo at one of the in-services, we watched a mare get lunged with a saddle that didn't fit her (she stayed hallow and refused to round her back) and then switched the tack and saw her go in a saddle that did fit (she fairly quickly lowered her head, looked more relaxed, rounded her back a little and her tail started to swing gently).

In any case, attending these in-services has brought saddle fit to the forefront of my mind and it's something I now look at more carefully and with a more informed view!

Blogging from Bed

Yes, the title is provocative! But, for better or worse, this blog continues to just be about horses, teaching and the field of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies. I am "blogging from bed" because for the past two weeks I've been fighting exhaustion, illness and mild depression. 

Symptoms of the End of Session Blues.

Most dedicated teachers I know have experienced this phenomenon... You come to the end of a school year, semester or program session. Your students have excelled. Your horses (if applicable) have inspired, taught, tolerated and performed beyond even your own expectations for them. You have provided grades, evaluations or even just the verbal "ringside" progress reports common in my field. Maybe you've gone to a horse show or hosted a demonstration - showing off all those great skills and accomplishments that your riders have worked so hard to achieve.

It's a wonderful, wonderful, BUSY time. 

And then it's over, suddenly and without much transition, and you are "on break." For me, this is when it always sets in - End of Session Blues. Often, the symptoms are a scratchy throat, leading to a full blown cold or flu. ("Great," I'll chastise myself, "You finally have some down time and now you are sick!!!") Sometimes, the symptom may include ennui - this deep boredom that cannot be permeated - the need to sit listlessly, watching endless Jane Austen movies or Golden Girls reruns while eating too many bags of microwave popcorn. Other times, there might be a pervasive restlessness (characterized by lack of concentration even for "comfort television"), the knowledge that there are lots of little things to attend to (blog entries to write, bills to pay, instructor annual compliance forms to complete) but utter lack of motivation to even start on any of them. There is sometimes even this weird guilt ("I have all this time now, shouldn't I be doing something???") Occasionally, there will be an emotional "fit" - crying over nothing, freaking out over small things and releasing the tension of that busy end-of-semester time (thankfully, neither my husband nor my dog tell tales).

So, am I overly neurotic? (Likely.) Or is this just the aftermath of a teaching job well done? I think it is probably a combination of the two, the letdown after the emotional high of coaching students on horseback towards achievements that surprise them, their loved ones and even me. It should be a time of reflection, professional development or rest, but for me "End of Session" is often a time of residual stress, a little sadness and physical exhaustion. This morning, though, I am "blogging from bed" - a good sign that the neurotic End of Session Blues are coming to an end... the return of productive energy and wellness, professional motivation and joy.

 

Hipsimo: Part II of Ride to Exercise or Exercise to Ride?

I received several interesting suggestions about exercise options for riders, but one of my favorite suggestions came from PATH Intl. Therapeutic Riding and Interactive Vaulting Instructor, Anja Cain. Anja shared her "Hipsimo" with me and, let me say, this is my kind of exercise!

Her what? Her Hipsimo!

Basically, a Hipsimo is "motion chair" that one can use to stretch hips and spine with deliberate exercises. Alternatively, one can just sit on it while working at a desk or watching TV and, because the round seat is "unstable," it requires the sitter to gently but constantly engage the core muscles to maintain balance. (Yes, I am working my abs even as I type this blog entry!)

And, no, this is not an infomercial for the Hipsimo. Though I am impressed with this very cool product, I think that one could probably attain many of these benefits from sitting on an inflatable balance ball while typing, chatting on the phone or watching TV. (Passive exercise - I love it!)

The Hipsimo was developed in Germany (name comes from Hips - In - Motion) and is used as an office chair, therapeutic tool and in training for sports, especially by equestrians. The point of sitting on the Hipsimo (as opposed to a regular chair) is to develop stable core muscles (abs and back), with flexible hip joints. This is exactly the exercise goal/ concept I wrote about last week (quoting equestrian/ Pilates instructor Janice Dulack).

The version that Anja has ("Hipsimo On the Go") can be placed on any flat surface and put to instant use. I set it on a chair and sat on it for about five minutes, stretching my hip joints down, from side to side, and from front to back (again similar to how you might on a balance ball). I stretched my shoulders, neck, upper spine and lower back and heard a lot of crunching and cracking. The balance challenge on a scale of 1 - 10 was probably about a 2 (again, my kind of exercise!). When I stood up to walk away, I stepped forward with my right hip and heard a crunching crack-pop in my lower back on the right side; stepped forward on the left and the same thing happened there.

I love the idea of incorporating the Hipsimo into my life, just sitting on it while working or using it for stretching before riding. (Anja keeps hers at the barn and has also used it as an unmounted tool for instructing riders in how to weight their seat bones evenly or find neutral spine.)

As I've thought about the concepts of core stability and hip flexibility this week, I have also found myself watching riders of all levels and abilities differently with these ideas in mind. If you think about it, this physical requirement for riding (stable core, flexible joints) is also a wonderful metaphor for emotional resiliency: the "core stability" to be true to one's self and purpose; the major "hip joint flexibility" needed to absorb and "go with" the forward impulsion and movement of one's life.

According to none other than the great Sally Swift (founder of Centered Riding): "Increased body awareness gives you a greater awareness of your inner self as well as your surroundings. Changing your [physical/riding] habits will cultivate an ability to make clearer choices: a balanced body permits a balanced state of mind.” I like the idea that what we learn about physical balance while riding can translate to a balanced mental state, expanding cognitive, emotional and even spiritual stability, flexibility and resiliency. 

Ride to exercise, or exercise to ride?

Horseback riding is a fantastic exercise for many people because it intrinsically provides a light, whole-body work out. Sitting on a horse requires the rider to balance through the core muscles, both front and back, and maintain that balance while in dynamic motion. Different gaits of the horse provide varied input (working diverse muscles), as do varied terrain (i.e. uphill/downhill) and activities (i.e. posting trot vs. sitting). Riding also works inner leg muscles, which are often difficult to access through other sports, and requires a "whole body awareness/ engagement," similar to that needed for yoga, stand-up paddle boarding or martial arts.

As those of us trained to teach therapeutic riding know, horseback riding also has a positive effect on muscle tone: riding a quiet, rhythmic horse tends to increase tone in flaccid muscles, but magically, it also tends to "normalize" tone in muscles that are too tight. This is part of what makes riding a valuable exercise for many people, but in particular for those with disabilities where muscle tone is affected: cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, Down Syndrome, and others.

Riding is not particularly aerobic, so it doesn't generally lead to weight loss directly, but it can be a great motivator for staying fit. Riders know we'll be asking our horses to carry our weight, so it is in their best interest, as well as ours, to keep trim/ in reasonable shape.

Having said all this, I admit that I slack in the physical fitness element of preparation for riding. I'm great at preparing intellectually to ride (I study equestrian theory and participate in lessons and clinics whenever I can!). I also believe deeply in preparing emotionally and spiritually to ride - we are after all, asking another living being to serve us under saddle and that's a huge responsibility. Being in the right frame of mind and heart is critical to ensure the well-being of horse and rider.

However, I listen to my friend L. talk about doing P90X to increase her fitness for dressage and while I admire her dedication, I inwardly just cringe. Not this girl. No exercise programs that involve a code name - can't do it.

(I am also the person who tried South Beach Diet for a day but fell off the wagon by convincing myself mayonnaise was a "healthy fat.")

Basically, I don't like prescribed exercises or diet and I have a hard time thinking of myself as an "athlete" even though I do make my living, at least in part, by participating in equestrian sport and coaching others to do so.  (My bad self-esteem, and subsequent lack of motivation, with physical activity likely goes back to the fifth grade, when I was both the tallest - 5'4" - and heaviest -125 lbs. - child in my elementary school. Our tan, hunking gym teacher Mr. G. used to stand above me during 'warm-up' and coach/ comment as I tried to lift my already womanly body out of what he called a 'girl pushup' (knees on the ground). "Somebody has not been practicing their push-ups," he would taunt, looking down. His words (oh-so-true!) have stayed with me. I didn't practice push ups then and I don't practice them now.)

But as usual, in my riding life, a horse comes along to push me to become better. Recently, I've taken a series of dressage lessons on what is probably the most athletic, conditioned horse I have ever ridden. He is highly trained in dressage, well beyond my skill level, and it has been both a privilege and exciting experience to feel his powerful stride, to try to comprehend the level of precision to which he's been trained.

One of the biggest challenges for me in riding this horse has been sitting his enormous trot. I struggle to absorb the impulsion through my core and am often sore in my hips, especially the right one, for days to follow. I do have the distinct impression that if I were fitter - specifically stronger and leaner through my core - sitting this trot would be easier for me. In other words, it might partly be a skill factor or just a need for practice and patience, but there is definitely a physical fitness component that I could work on during the time I am not on the horse.

Coincidentally, an article called "A Better Sitting Trot" by Pilates instructor Janice Dulack appeared in this month's Dressage Today. Confirming my suspicions about core strength, Dulack writes: "The junction of the spine meeting the pelvis at the lower back must be stabilized while the hip joints at the bottom of the pelvis must be mobile. If a rider has tight hips, the lower back inevitably takes all the motion of the moving horse..." Yes, that sounds about right, and ouch!, my lower back confirms daily it has been taking more than it's share of the motion...

Dulack continues, "To avoid this, the rider must learn to stabilize the joint at the top of the pelvis (lower back) with the abdominal muscles... [then] the hip joints at the bottom of the pelvis can  become the shock absorbers while riding."

Dulack's description resonates: I can easily recognize that I do brace through my lower back when I try to sit a dynamic trot and that is likely because I need to do two things: (1) increase core strength so that my back is stabilized and (2) loosen my hip joints through stretching and increased flexibility. I am going to make these two fitness goals a priority over the coming months, along with (3) the desire to just increase my general overall fitness, hoping to become a more "athletic" rider.

So... I am on a quest, looking for ways to work these three physical fitness goals into my weekly routine, with - obviously - as little real effort as possible! I know it may sound lazy, but I'm just being realistic. If I start some crazy exercise effort, I just won't stick with it. For me to become more physically fit for riding, the program will have to be time efficient, relatively easy to execute and I'll have to see results.

Please comment below if you have suggestions for a fitness program (off the horse) that has worked for you and improved your riding, whether it's geared specifically to riding or not. I will report back here on the blog if anything works well for me! Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

Thoughts at the end of a good week...

When I became a certified PATH Intl. Therapeutic Riding Instructor, I expected my life to change (it did, but in none of the ways I expected). I thought I would spend my days experiencing the magic of horses and helping people. I thought doing so would be mainly fun and easy.

In actuality, it is rarely easy, mostly fun and often profound. That was what I don't think I expected. I thought teaching therapeutic riding would be more of a "hobby-job," not necessarily the soul-touching, heart-wrenching, colossally inspiring, mind-body-spirit work that it actually is. I underestimated the challenge, but I also underestimated how fulfilling it can be.

Before becoming certified in 2009, I had been teaching for years in more traditional settings - classrooms and tutoring "labs." I liked teaching, but I would not often have described it as profound.

I think that was because I hadn't found my "medium." Horses, teaching riding, did that for me - I found it. I like teaching in general, but I love teaching people (with or without disabilities) about horses and riding because I feel like I am tapping into something of my own essence and sharing it with others. Because of the innate biofeedback that the horses give both me and my students, it is often profound for me in a way that teaching in the classroom was not.

There are some very hard weeks: weather is bad, students have setbacks, physical exhaustion, center politics. But for the most part, I just feel so freaking lucky - so wildly fortunate - to do what I do. 

On a good week, it might look something like this:

• The dressage lessons I've been taking to improve my own riding kick in and I have a breakthrough ride and feel great physically and spiritually.
• One of my therapeutic riding students does something that exceeds my expectations. (This week it was L. taking complete control of her horse at the walk and trot and posting her way around the large arena, when three weeks ago she wasn't yet posting the trot at all.)
• There are informal conversations around the barn, with volunteers or "able-bodied" students, where someone reveals a fear or awe they've always had for horses, how they've overcome it or tapped into respectively, and how that unique sense of empowerment carries over into daily life.
• A horse I've been working with - believed in - comes into program in a way that is meaningful and authentic for me and that honors both her nature and potential. 

On a good week, it feels like all I've ever wanted to do. On a good week, I remember that horses inspire us to be better humans.

I don't want to glorify our profession, because it's not always, well, glorious. But, I am so grateful for the chance to participate in the world of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies because when it's good, it's good. 

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Notes from Linda Kohanov's The Power of the Herd

I am a terrific fan of Linda Kohanov’s writing. Her most well-known text, The Tao of Equus,* deeply inspired me when I first read it back in 2006. I was going through a tumultuous personal time – profound and heart-numbing grief – and my mother brought The Tao of Equus back from some bargain book sale. Reading it, I was reminded about how important horses once were in my life, how comforting I found their presence.  This led to a nagging thought in the back of my mind “get yourself back to horses and riding!” which led to volunteering at High Hopes Therapeutic Riding, which led to certifying as a PATH Intl. Instructor, which led to, really, healing and the channeling of my grief into a newfound sense of purpose.

When I finished reading it, I wrote this note on the last page: "This is what I've always known. It's what I can do and have to do. I'm grateful to have read this book."

Formally, Kohanov’s ideas relate most directly to practices of Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy, but really she coaches (and writes about) a hybrid practice of horsemanship, spiritual practice, emotional resonance with animals and people, and interpretation of myths and symbols. It sounds complex – it is!

At the deepest level, her methods are informed by the “non-predatory wisdom” of horses, which she knows as sentient beings capable of the deepest forms of emotional connection, communication and teaching.

Kohanov makes a point in Tao of Equus of distinguishing her work from therapeutic riding (the adapted teaching of horsemanship/ riding skills to individuals with disabilities) and hippotherapy (the utilization of the horse’s movement to achieve therapeutic goals). However, I think Kohanov’s practices and beliefs are deeply relevant to anyone who engages in therapeutic or healing practices with horses or other animals: at the essence of her texts, Kohanov asks us to listen to and learn from our animal partners as well as to respect them as individuals with diverse gifts to offer.

Kohanov’s latest text, The Power of the Herd,* could really be appreciated by anyone who has ever been in a leadership position (and I believe all teachers are leaders!) or aspired to one. It’s a complex text. She explores: (1) The successes and challenges of great leaders throughout history (i.e. George Washington) and the remarkable influence that horses and horsemanship had in the lives of many of these leaders; (2) Leadership dynamics among horses – how they are really much more complex than there just being an ‘alpha’ horse – and what we can learn from them; (3) Her own experiences, positive and negative, as the visionary leader of Eponaquest Worldwide; and (4) She details “The Twelve ‘Power of the Herd’ Guiding Principles,” which give insight to applying leadership lessons learned from horses to interpersonal communications.

I read it on my Nook and feel like it’s a book I need to read again in a print version. It’s the kind of text you want to write all over, highlight. Pages should be dog-eared. A few question marks in the margins and maybe even tears smudging some ink! There’s much to learn from this text and I see so much potential for Kohanov’s ideas about leadership, based on the non-predatory wisdom of the herd, to help those of us who work in EAAT centers to collaborate most effectively. She makes the simple but profound point: “Horses demand a balance of strength and sensitivity” (109). This is exactly the balance that I seek in my daily work with horses and individuals with special needs. From reading Kohanov’s texts, I realize how important it is to try to bring this balance to all of my human interactions, not just with people who happen to be my students. Her book contains fabulous insight about how to attain this balance.

I am eager to read it for a second time!

*The Power of theHerd: A Non-predatory Approach to Social Intelligence, Leadership, andInnovation. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2013.

*The Toa of Equus: A Woman’s Journey of Healing & Transformation through the Way of the Horse. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2001.

 

 

Down & Out: 6 Ways to Prepare for Instructor Certification while Lying on Your Couch

A friend of mine has been diligently preparing for PATHIntl. Registered Level Certification for over a year. She’s worked on her riding (bought a horse!), interned full time at a well-known center and participated in trainings. She is hoping to certify in 2013 and has certainly put in the time, effort and dedication of a professional.

An accident – not horse related – has left her with broken bones and she finds herself “down & out” – not medically cleared for riding or teaching! I had a similar, though less severe, experience when I began my Instructor Internship at Manes & Motions Therapeutic Riding. I had gall bladder surgery and was unable to lift for 6 – 8 weeks. I told my doctor this was inconvenient due to my internship/ new profession. He shrugged and said, “Well, no one likes to be down and out.”

How true.

So, I want to give my friend something to do while she recovers! I hope this “something” will motivate and inspire her to pick up her instructor training once her recovery is complete!  In general, hands-on, arena time is the single most important factor in preparing to teach riders safely and effectively. However, if that arena time is not practical, there’s still a lot you can do to work on your knowledge base and improve your eye for teaching. If I had 6 – 8 weeks of “non-horse” time coming my way, but I still wanted to prepare for Instructor Certification, I would read and study. PATH Intl. provides Instructors in Training with a suggested reading list (and it’s a good one!), but I am also going to make my own list:

6 Ways to Prepare for Instructor Certification while Lying on Your Couch:

1.       READ Sally Swift’s Centered Riding and really study balanced seat riding position. Swift’s text is filled with imagery, metaphor and illustrations that benefit riders who are trying to achieve positional alignment and effective aids. It’s really a text that you need to study as well as just read. Take notes, write in the margins, try to picture riders you have worked with and how you could apply these concepts to your teaching. Then, go on the internet and watch some riding videos that anyone (I mean Joe Smoe and it can be any discipline) has posted. Analyze. How does the rider’s position compare to your understanding of Sally’s descriptions? 

2.       READ over the PATH Intl. criteria for Instructor Certification and identify your areas of weakness (we all have them!). Find legitimate websites, magazines or books that you can read to increase your knowledge in these areas. For me, this meant reading the most current edition of Giffin and Gore’s Horse Owner’s Veterinary Handbook, cover to cover. It is boring and technical, but provided me with more in-depth knowledge about the health and management of horses.

3.       STUDY task analysis. The best therapeutic riding instructors have internalized the “whats, hows and whys” of basic riding skills. My favorite classic books for task analysis are Cherry Hill’s 101 ArenaExercises for Horse & Rider and TheUnited States Pony Club Manual of Horsemanship, D Level by Susan E. Harris. A more recent favorite is Hollie H. McNeil’s 40 Fundamentals of English Riding. I love McNeil’s text because it provides a concise description of each of the “40 Fundamentals” but then also includes a DVD, broken into 40 sections, to demonstrate and further describe each of these skills.  I think the best way to use McNeil’s book is to read, study and watch one skill a day for 40 days. (It sounds slightly biblical and I guess for those of us who worship the horse, it is.)

4.       STUDY disability knowledge. I would use the PATH Intl. list of Precautions & Contraindications (on-line copy free to members) and take a condition-a-day to study, understand and research on legitimate websites. 

5.       TEACH. Again, go to the internet and search for riding videos. Find riders of all levels. Search different skills. Then, turn your computer to mute and watch the video. “Teach” the rider! And yes, I mean talk out loud, in your biggest “instructor voice” and tell this person-you-will-never-meet how to ride the movement they are working on or how to improve their position or aids. (This is obviously best done in the privacy of one’s own home while the rest of the family is at work...) You can practice finding your words, analyzing a rider and projecting your voice, all while sitting in an easy chair. (This may sound crazy, I know, but “virtual” practicing like this is becoming a more and more common way of training athletes, performers and people working on all kinds of skill development.)

6.       REFLECT. Being “down & out” gives you time to think about your goals, define your next steps and really look at what is most important to you about the Instructor Training process you’ve engaged in. If you are inclined to read horse-oriented materials that have to do with self-reflection and personal improvement, I recommend Linda Kohanov’s TheTao of Equus (and all her subsequent books) and Kathleen Lindley’s In the Company of Horses. Both include anecdotes and techniques related to the emotional side of being around horses and the way that horses enhance our lives. Increasing my own understanding of the horse’s sentience has always been part of my intention in working with horses; bringing awareness of the horse’s power as motivator, teacher and friend to my students has also become increasingly important to me.

If that doesn’t fill 6 – 8 weeks of couch-time, I don’t know what will! My friend, I hope you feel better and are riding and teaching again soon! Thank you for letting me write about this on my blog. In your case, you are recovering from injury but many Instructors in Training have other reasons for not being able to be at the barn as much as they’d like (work, children, financial considerations). While I can’t stress enough how crucial hands-on, extensive barn/arena time is to preparation, there are also practical and important ways to prepare, study and train from home.  Hope this list inspires someone!

 

 

That Beating Heart

Horseman Mark Rashid writes:
...it is the horse that allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart, to feel the ebb and flow, and ultimately, to get back in touch with the spirit that is harmony...
(Nature in Horsemanship, Skyhorse Publishing, pg. 205-06). 

March was a crazy month for me, mainly because the hard drive on my laptop crashed. This led to several weeks of drawn out repairs (ordering a system restore disk, waiting for technicians to fix it, finding out my hard drive was so far gone that all data was lost, re-downloading all my programs/ data onto new hard drive). Then, all this downloading led to exceeding our data limit (bill to come...), so I have been trying to minimize on-line time. I'm still not really caught up from this month of technical difficulties. In short, I've realized how extremely dependent I have become on my laptop: like many, my professional and social life rely on Internet connection and, as a writer, my laptop is also essential to my daily writing/ editing/ brainstorming/ researching routine.

I found it disorienting to not have this connection/ access. I was less productive, grouchy and restless. I also started to make other absent-minded mistakes (lost my keys for two days). 

I have never really consider myself a "tech-dependent" person, but I certainly am! I've realized I am now totally dependent on my computer for what I consider "normal" daily life. I would now rate my laptop as more essential than a working oven (lived without one for the past six months), a television (gone without for years at a time), and probably even items of personal hygiene like a toothbrush (you can always improvise). 

As of today, I think I am totally reconnected: functional computer, Office 2013 installed, and the first day of a new month of our nearly unlimited data plan (which we've never even come close to exceeding in the past). This feels so good! Writing life begin again!

So - is this a long, drawn out explanation for why I have not been blogging? YES! It is also, though, a personal confession of how much technology now influences my thinking, communicating and ability to function. I just hadn't realized!

If there is a connection to horses in all this (and for me there almost always is!), it has to do with the fact that they (thankfully!) can't log in. Facebook will never be an option for communicating with horses (OK, never say never, but highly unlikely). Social media is wonderful and plays a big role in my life now, but I am ever-grateful for the more intuitive, personal, nonverbal, non-image-based communication skills that I practice with horses and try to instill in my riding students on a daily basis.

I can no longer deny my dependence on (and affection for) on-line communications, but I don't want all the communicating in my life to be based on clicking a link or typing a short, quip-y comment. I want to understand and practice a level of communication that involves listening from my heart, processing in my gut and relaying my intentions with empathy, presence and clear signals. Working with horses is the perfect opportunity for practicing nuanced communication skills. 

(I can now report with certainty that the Technical Services Staff at our local Staples would benefit from practicing some of these deeper interpersonal/ communication skills, which interacting with hard drives and system restore disks apparently does not foster...)

It's a grounding and authentic experience to communicate with horses, whether on the ground or in the saddle. As my own life becomes more and more technology-dependant, I am thankful that keeping horses in my life requires me to practice deeper level communication skills. I echo Mark Rashid's perfectly chosen words: the horse "allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart."

Because my laptop may have a lot to offer, but it does not have that!

Barn Work

Though I work with horses at least five days a week, it's not so often that I actually do "barn work" - cleaning stalls, sweeping aisles, dropping grain and refilling water buckets. For the past several years, I've been fortunate to teach at EAAT facilities where this work is done by paid barn staff, who are assisted by wonderful volunteers. Most of the time, I show up as this work is being finished, and teach.

However, this weekend, a friend is out of town and asked if I'd feed her horses and tend her barn. Horse care is hard work (I don't want to downplay that!) and doing it well requires knowledge, training and skill. Caring for my friend's horses this weekend, I have been reminded there are also many pleasures of barn work.

There is something rewarding about being the first person in the barn in the morning, the horses waking up to your footfalls, beginning to nicker or paw for their feed. There is something rhythmic about scooping and dropping grain, then going about the tasks of removing blankets, dressing turn out boots, fly-spraying. There is the slight adrenaline rush of turning out very large and energetic animals who are especially eager to greet a still-damp pasture on a quiet, sunny morning.

Finally, there is definitely something meditative about cleaning stalls - the slow and careful act of removing piles and pieces of manure, sweeping up the pee spot, spreading the bedding. It is a great time for thinking: just enough physicality to distract you from your problems, not so physically difficult as to be unpleasant. There is the wonderful smell of barn dust, settling over your hair and clothing.

Of course, I recognize that this is the glorified version of morning barn work. I don't do it often, so it feels special and fun. But I was grateful to be reminded of the pleasures of being in a barn and not asking the horses to work. Just taking care of them, appreciating and hopefully meeting their needs. I've missed that! 

A Look Back...

In Quiet: The Power of the Introvert in a World that Can't Stop Talking, author Susan Cain claims that to discover your larger purpose in life, you should "...think back to what you loved to do when you were a child."  About five years ago, I went through significant career change, and my therapist also asked: "What did you love best when you were a child or adolescent?"  My answer: horses, horses, horses! 

I recently went through some old pictures, and realized I was destined from a very young age to become a horseback riding instructor.  Here they are!

(1) That's me leading (age 13), Kris riding.  I like how Kris is smiling at the camera, but I am completely focused on Sudora (our first horse).  I also like my jeans (where did those come from???) and the fact I'm wearing my helmet - ready to hop on at any moment if needed!   

 

(2) One year later! Sudora and I are at the Southern Rhode Island 4-H Horse Show.  You can see how unlike in the first picture, where I am racing to keep up with Sudora, here she is focused on me and walking in step with me. This concept - keeping a horse attuned through the use of intention, specific body language and personal energy- is the essential skill that we train Volunteer Horse Handlers in therapeutic riding/ EAAT. Somewhere between age 13 and age 14, I learned it well - from my spunky Morgan mare Sudora. She was a great teacher and it's an important skill to have when working with horses (maybe the most important)!

 

(3) This is my first official riding student - MH - on our wonderful Quarter Horse cross gelding, Al (Yes, it was the mid-90s and yes, Al was short for Aladdin... our "diamond in the rough"... making this the first and last time I will name a horse after a Disney character).  MH went to many shows with us and rode in the Lead Line division, winning blue more than once. (I'm proud to say she was often the only competitor who could post! Plus, what a cute pair they were!) That's me leading - not sure if you can see my face clearly enough to realize how seriously I was taking her (our?) success.  But little MH looks pretty serious, too!
 

So, in my case anyway, Susan Cain's advice proved true.  I loved horses as a young teen, and as an adult I become unhappy if I have to go even a few days without being around them. Cain lists two other principles for finding one's important life projects: (1)"pay attention to the work you gravitate towards" and (2)"pay attention to what you envy." Although I only read Cain's book recently, I see how these concepts were also relevant when I was exploring what I most wanted to do with my professional life. 

Notes from Becker's "a good and perfect gift"

This rainy week, I read (and loved!) Amy Julia Becker's memoir a good and perfect gift: Faith, Expectations and a Little Girl Named Penny (Bethany House, 2011). Becker writes honestly and poignantly about the life-altering experience of first time motherhood, made more complex when just after delivery, she learns her newborn, Penny, has Down syndrome.

Becker's reflections on the diagnosis and on parenting a child with special needs were eye-opening to me, even though I spend lots of time interacting with people with special needs and their families! For parents, the experience of having a child with special needs is surely as unique as their individual children; however, I'm so grateful for the general insight I gained from reading Becker's sensitive, honest portrayal of parenting her daughter. I think it brought me a shade closer to understanding, a deeper empathy and heightened awareness of parenting in general and specifically of children with special needs.

Two of my favorite points from Becker's text:

• "Can she [Penny] live a full life without ever solving a quadratic equation? Without ever reading Dostoyevsky? I'm pretty sure she can. Can I live a full life without learning to cherish and welcome those in this world who are different from me? I'm pretty sure I can't." (123)
• I attended a conference where we heard a child development specialist speak about "responsive parenting." He said most parents of kids with disabilities focused on their child's weaknesses. Instead we should try to identify Penny's strengths and help her grow into those strengths... [this way] we would recognize how capable she really was." (158)

In an identifiable voice, Becker also discusses the very nature of special needs diagnoses and how damaging 'scientific' understanding of limitations imposed by diagnoses can be. A talented narrator, Becker lets the reader get to know her wonderful, charming, intelligent daughter so personally that it breaks preconceptions about Down syndrome, doing for the reader on the page what working with individuals with special needs has done for me in person.

It's such a strange, humbling feeling to realize that one has imposed limits on someone because of preconceived notions related to a disability: one feels so foolish but also so very pleasantly surprised. I have experienced this as a teacher for people with special needs (and am glad to say it has broadened my heart, mind and awareness!). Becker presents this experience (of being pleasantly surprised and learning from it!) from the perspective of a parent, and it's a viewpoint so personal and intimate that one feels honored to be included as a reader.

Fair warning, Amy Julia Becker writes from a decidedly Christian perspective (and Bethany House is a Christian publisher). However, while Becker's faith is on every page, I never found it stifling or overbearing, despite being of a more "generic" spiritual persuasion myself at this time. Becker is down-to-earth and comfortable in her spirituality: it is central to her life and she shares it as open-heartedly as she does her experience of being Penny's mom. I have a feeling she would say the two are inseparable. 

A wonderful read, especially for anyone who loves, teaches or cares for a person with special needs and abilities!