That Beating Heart

Horseman Mark Rashid writes:
...it is the horse that allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart, to feel the ebb and flow, and ultimately, to get back in touch with the spirit that is harmony...
(Nature in Horsemanship, Skyhorse Publishing, pg. 205-06). 

March was a crazy month for me, mainly because the hard drive on my laptop crashed. This led to several weeks of drawn out repairs (ordering a system restore disk, waiting for technicians to fix it, finding out my hard drive was so far gone that all data was lost, re-downloading all my programs/ data onto new hard drive). Then, all this downloading led to exceeding our data limit (bill to come...), so I have been trying to minimize on-line time. I'm still not really caught up from this month of technical difficulties. In short, I've realized how extremely dependent I have become on my laptop: like many, my professional and social life rely on Internet connection and, as a writer, my laptop is also essential to my daily writing/ editing/ brainstorming/ researching routine.

I found it disorienting to not have this connection/ access. I was less productive, grouchy and restless. I also started to make other absent-minded mistakes (lost my keys for two days). 

I have never really consider myself a "tech-dependent" person, but I certainly am! I've realized I am now totally dependent on my computer for what I consider "normal" daily life. I would now rate my laptop as more essential than a working oven (lived without one for the past six months), a television (gone without for years at a time), and probably even items of personal hygiene like a toothbrush (you can always improvise). 

As of today, I think I am totally reconnected: functional computer, Office 2013 installed, and the first day of a new month of our nearly unlimited data plan (which we've never even come close to exceeding in the past). This feels so good! Writing life begin again!

So - is this a long, drawn out explanation for why I have not been blogging? YES! It is also, though, a personal confession of how much technology now influences my thinking, communicating and ability to function. I just hadn't realized!

If there is a connection to horses in all this (and for me there almost always is!), it has to do with the fact that they (thankfully!) can't log in. Facebook will never be an option for communicating with horses (OK, never say never, but highly unlikely). Social media is wonderful and plays a big role in my life now, but I am ever-grateful for the more intuitive, personal, nonverbal, non-image-based communication skills that I practice with horses and try to instill in my riding students on a daily basis.

I can no longer deny my dependence on (and affection for) on-line communications, but I don't want all the communicating in my life to be based on clicking a link or typing a short, quip-y comment. I want to understand and practice a level of communication that involves listening from my heart, processing in my gut and relaying my intentions with empathy, presence and clear signals. Working with horses is the perfect opportunity for practicing nuanced communication skills. 

(I can now report with certainty that the Technical Services Staff at our local Staples would benefit from practicing some of these deeper interpersonal/ communication skills, which interacting with hard drives and system restore disks apparently does not foster...)

It's a grounding and authentic experience to communicate with horses, whether on the ground or in the saddle. As my own life becomes more and more technology-dependant, I am thankful that keeping horses in my life requires me to practice deeper level communication skills. I echo Mark Rashid's perfectly chosen words: the horse "allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart."

Because my laptop may have a lot to offer, but it does not have that!